The Most Important Pizza Ad of All Time

I was waiting for my order (falafel, pita chips and a banana milkshake) when a teenager who was passing out ads for a pizza place (hallelujah!)  handed me one. It had some scribbling on the back.

Now there are times when I think the Incredibly Reverend One is testing me or making fun of me but it's so hard to tell. Since I decided to follow him (and he is still trying to keep me from following him) he has taught me so much and said so much worth remembering.

Here's what the pizza flyer said on the back:

"If there was one true religion we wouldn't learn about it from ancient scripture. We wouldn't learn about it from elders or reality shows or tortillas that resemble dead virgins. Or bastards who kill their children because they stray, or to blow up bus stops. We would have no need for preachers with overdone hair and expensive suits, or new translations of texts, or morons who hold up signs at football games.

"The mains goal of reality (can't read the rest of this line, tomato smudge..) and if you don't (smear) for the rest of your days on earth (looks like pizza dribble) and your ass is going to be (smeared and probably unprintable anyway).

If there was one true religion it would scream at us. It would fill our vision night and day. The mountains would testify it clearly to us, as would blue jays, hydrocarbons and corn smut. Even blogs."

Probably the most important pizza flyer of all time, and it would be more so if I could have read the thing.