“No, dimbulb,’’ the Incredibly Reverend One began, “ god does not talk to us. God SCREAMS at us. He screams at us in the form of hydrocarbons and blue jays and dog biscuits.
“If you throw a dog biscuit in the air, god will scream at you. He will scream, ‘don’t throw the damn dog biscuits in the air,’ and to punish, uh, educate you, he will make the dog biscuit come flailing down the to ground. Then he will break the dog biscuit into little pieces.
“Could that be any clearer.”
“I have just one question,” I said. He already had that look on his face showing he was ready to call me an unpleasant name. ‘”What if I get a harder dog biscuit, one that won’t break?”
“That’s why, Nostril-damus, god has to scream at idiots like you. You don’t speak his language so he has to yell.”
I could tell he was warming up to me.
From The Book of Stuff I'll Deny I Ever Said
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“More human suffering has been avoided by the washing of hands than the kneeling in supplication”
At the Salinas BBQ
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Go live the most amazing life ever, then get back to me.
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"The main goal of existence is to lead a life full of obsessions yet free of syndromes."
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God believes we are all worthless and will prove it to each of us in a time and manner of God's own choosing.
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"But here is some advice for you. If you want to be happy learn to love life. If you want to be really happy, learn to love love."
We are followers of the Incredibly Reverend Salvatore Fladabosco. We write the Real Time Gospel™. We like food, nature, soft pillows and listening to nature scream at us. This gospel is written in almost real time and all typos, errors and mistakes are gifts from god so leave me alone.
