Saturday, July 9, 2011

About Bob Freud

Yes I know this is supposed to be a gospel and I am only supposed to report what I see, but Bob is starting to freak me out. He's a good friend of the Incredibly Reverend Salvatore Fladabosco but they seem to be total opposites. The Incredibly Reverend One dresses like an Armani model. He must spend a fortune on clothes and have a great tailor. Bob Freud looks like a businessman who has been homeless for three or four days.

The IRO acts in a reserved manner, like he is starring in a 1930's romantic comedy. He is classy and tasteful. He speaks carefully and slowly. Freud talks like he has been holding his idea for an hour and finally he blurts it out. It's moving when he is talking about religion or politics but it can be embarrassing when he is trying on socks or asking a waiter where the men's room is.

I ran into them once while eating an apricot scone at Mission Coffee* in Santa Clara. I was sitting at a bar stool when they walked by and typical of the IRO when he is with Freud, he pretended not to see me. Freud had a briefcase.

"Hi Bob!" I called out cheerily. Bob turned to me and blurted so fast I could hardly understand him, "Of all the coffee joints, in all the towns, in the world, she has to walk into mine" and laughed like it was hilarious. Some movie quote or something.

"Uh, yes, Bob," I said and took a step back. I didn't hear what the IRO ordered but it was probably his usual, a quadruple espresso over ice. Unsweetened.

My conversation with Bob ended there. There was a young lady at a table near by, undoubtedly a Santa Clara U student. She held up a traingular shaped scone (blueberry, thank god) and licked the frosting in a straight line right across the top. Bob bent over forwards and holding his briefcase in front of his, uh, nether regions he ran back to the bathroom.

I finished my scone in silence as the IRO inhaled the espresso in one gulp. I think he swallowed some ice too but he was so tasteful he hardly made a face. So much class!

* One of the worst parts of writing a gospel is that I really have to tell the truth. I don't want people to find out about those scones. When you eat one god screams at you that they rock rock rock!!!

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